HIgh school reminds you of...

...a time when I had direction and purpose. I knew who I was and what I wanted in life. I had plans and goals I believed could be attained. I thought I could do and be anything. I was less afraid to take risks...more fearless. If there was something I wanted to do, I just did it. I'm not saying high school was a piece of cake or that I'd want to relive it again, but I wish I could have a little piece of that girl back. She had motivation and drive, which I am seriously lacking at the moment.

I realize I'm a lot wiser now, smarter about some of the decision I make, but I also find that I'm less likely to take risks and more willing to identify my limitations. Or maybe those limitations are really excuses. I've become so afraid of everything, I just give up before even trying, but that wasn't always the case.

I used to run for class office even though I never really had a chance of winning. I tried out for commencement speeches even though I was never chosen. I ran track even though I'd never won an event. Winning and losing back then was never the goal--it was always just doing it, and if I did then I succeeded. I wanted to be able to say, "I did that once upon a time," and not wonder "what if." Now, I feel like "what ifs" are all I have.

I suppose it's not too late to fix that--I haven't quite reached my twilight years yet. I know what I should do. I know what needs to be done. But fear is powerful and it bullies the logic in my head until it's silenced and leaves me feeling numb.